I Hate My Treadmill

If you know me, you know that I am obsessed with soccer. During the World Cup (both mens and women's) I put up a sign on my office door that asks people not to mention any scores during the day, so that I can go home at the end of the day and watch the games that I missed. I've played all my life, but by no means I am no Chastain - not even close. I just love the game, that doesn't mean that I am talented at it. I do try though. I have played since I was 5, was able to practice (and even play a few games) for about 5 months in Germany when I was 17 and have been playing rec soccer ever since.


Currently, I am on three teams, 2 co-ed outdoor and a co-ed indoor team, I also have been working with a trainer with a few of my teammates. If you don't know me, then after reading all of that you would be suprised if you saw me. Lets put it this way, I have NO speed. None. Nothing. You see, I have been battling my weight since I was a little kid. Now, this isn't a 'poor me, poor me' entry. This is the hand that I was dealt with and someday I might accept it.


In the Seattle area, at least on the teams that I know of, co-ed teams are always looking for women. This means that the women on these teams don't have to sub all that often. The indoor team that I play on had 4 guy subs last week, where the women only had one. In my outdoor teams we usually don't have female subs - even when I play on a WOMEN's team, we usually don't have any subs. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I love it. Especially in the winter time, when you step off the field you freeze and it take ten minutes to get the muscles moving again. So, if I'm playing three full games a week AND working with a trainer once a week, why do I feel like I have to run on my treadmill at home, especially on days when I don't have a game.


I'm not one of those people that loves to run, I know those people, they are crazy. (crazy in a good way crazy). I wish I was estatic about running, but unless there is a soccer ball infront of me I lose interest really quick. When I was a kid, my best friend and I used to run around the neighborhood and I could never keep up with her. Granted, she ran cross-country in high school and college and still runs freakish amounts 'just for fun'. Ones' taste for running can be compared to one's taste for music; some people like jazz and others like country - some people enjoy exercise that is more team oriented and some people like the rush of running 8 miles. I myself, prefer jazz.


Now, some jackasses out there are saying, 'perhaps, if you cut down on the calories and the fat you wouldn't be feeling so out of shape all of the time.' What you don't know, that I have cut down on those things. I don't drink soda, I stay away from sugars and desserts and carbs and candy and pizza etc etc... So, what it comes down to, is that I play A LOT of soccer, but will never fit into the size of jeans that I should be able to fit in due to my height, age and bone size. So let me get to the point, I hate my treadmill.


After sitting at my desk all day, there's nothing more that I would like to do than something active, BUT that doesn't mean that I want to run on a conveyor belt that faces a blank wall. Worst of all, it makes me feel guilty. Everytime I see it when I haven't played a game I feel like I'm letting it down and not using it to its full potential and maybe, if I just put 30 minutes on that dreadful piece of machinery, I might be that much closer to fitting into a pair of jeans that are still larger than what is supposed to me 'my size' or gain a split second more in a sprint down the field trying to catch up to the speedy forward. (longest run-on sentence ever.)
So tonight, I got home from work, changed into a jogging clothes and climb aboard my treadmill. I told myself to just put 30 minutes in and when I'm finished I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that .... then I remembered that I have two soccer games in the next couple of days. Why should I punish myself? As long as my knees and ankles stay strong enough to play soccer, I will do whatever I can to gather as much dust as possible on that stupid treadmill.